I’m gonna do a second big chop. It’s been nine months since I’ve gotten heat damage. My hair has made a lot of progress, but in order for it to truly even out, I’ll have to cut it. It won’t be as short as the first time that I cut it, but I’ll pretty much be back to my TWA days for a little while. I’m not as nervous as I was nearly 3 years ago when I made that life changing decision. I’ve realized over time that hair is just hair. I’ve made many mistakes with it since I began my journey, and learned so much about it. I’ll do it better this time :)
This morning, I revisited an old church of mine. My mother and I attended this church for roughly three years before she decided that we could no longer worship there anymore. I remember being upset about leaving when I was younger because I had started to gain close friendships within the congregation. But at the same time, I understood where my mother was coming from. She had become a victim to being brainwashed by a money-hungry preacher that was using her gift of spreading God’s word, as a means to make money to support her lavish lifestyle. I remember my mother being heartbroken when she had to leave, and finding it hard to trust other churches because of what she had to experience. People she thought she trusted in that church all of a sudden turned their backs on her because she ACTUALLY spoke her mind about what was wrong in the church… It’s been 10 years since I’ve gone back, and despite all the evil within that church, the pastor knows how to preach her tail off. I’ve been to other churches, but no other preacher does it like her. So, I decided to give it another go and invite my best friend along for the ride.
As I was getting ready this morning, I joked around with my friend that I didn’t have any cash on me, and that if they wanted any of my money, they better have a Credit machine on deck. My friend and I arrive at the church and I noticed that it was really empty. Now, compared to 10 years ago, by 10 AM, you’d be practically fighting people for a seat, and praying that when you go to the bathroom your chair doesn’t get stolen. But, it was 10:15, and not even half of the seats were filled. I just figured that people were running a little late and it’ll fill up by 11:00. It didn’t, and I was floored. By 11:30 offering time came. The Elder began his long sermon about how important it is to give back to the church, making people feel guilty so that they could scrape up some change for the baskets. I didn’t budge. Now, remember when I said I only carried a credit card with me? I see a message on the projector saying, “If you would like to use your ATM, Debit, or Credit Card, please form a line in the far left aisle”. I may or may not have blurted out, “What the fuck?”, at that point. It’s NEVER that serious. I was ready to leave, but my friend told me to cheer up and at least stay for the word, so I did.
Her preaching was great, but I noticed that she kept saying to the congregation, “You need to be thankful to have a pastor like me!”. She has so many tactics to try and make people love her and shower her with gifts. It’s no wonder why so many people (at least 200) left the church; she was robbing them. I just never expected it to be that many people. I almost felt sorry, because I know what the church used to be. It was lively, full of people, and happy. I used to be so proud to call it my place of worship. But, at the same time she’s not willing to change her ways, and the lack of people in her church shows that. She still has those handful of people that will ride or die for her on that sinking ship, but she also has to live with the fact that she lost a lot of people’s trust. Especially people like my mother who looked up to her. Anyway, church finally came to a close… but not before the pastor’s offering. The announcer’s exact words were, “Give what you feel in your heart is necessary, but try not to give less than $25”. I just walked out. Going there today just supported my mom’s reasoning as to why we left. I called her up right after the service, and shared my experience. I could hear the disappointment in her voice as I told her all the things that hadn’t changed, and what had gotten worse. We ended that conversation by agreeing that although a church may have the greatest music, and an engaging preacher, you must set all of that aside and search for that evil that surrounds a congregation. Not all churches are like this, and I’ve made mistakes by thinking this throughout life, but at the same time, don’t be naïve. If you can’t see where your church’s money is going, and your pastor, or whoever refuses to tell you…abandon ship.
I’m at the point of being natural where I’m beyond tired of my hair :(. It’s all because I got really bad heat damage back in April. Although my hair is recovering well from it, the healing process is taking too long for me. Therefore, my hair will be taking an indefinite hiatus. I’ll deal with it in between the weaves and stuff, but looking at it just gets me angry. I made a lot of progress with my hair in the last 2 years, and I feel like ever since my hair broke off, I’m not as confident as I used to be when I was wearing it out. So, it’s going bye-bye.